Verso inverse reverser
by Kovou
Summary: Its summertime. The flowers are in full bloom and love is in the air. A case of role reversal means big trouble for Princeton Plainsboros "favourite" doctor in more ways than one. Can House solve the case? we like reviews, even flames! please r&r. Updated
1. Prologue

**Verso-inverse-reverser.**

**Disclaimer: We do not own House, chase Cameron Cuddy Wilson or any other character you care to mention they belong to someone else. The following fict is purely fictional based on the show and any relation to persons living or dead is strictly accidental.**

**Note from the Authors: The idea for this fict came up during one very interesting conversation on the show and we decided to put fingers to keys and see the story unfold.**

**Summery: its summertime again the flowers are in full bloom and love is in the air. A case of role reversal means big trouble for Princeton Plainsboro's favourite doctor in more ways than one. Can House solve the case?**

**Prologue:**

Summer, the time of year when all things change. The slowly ebbing grasp of winter is finally forced back into its proper season, spring colours are abandoned and no one goes aww over little chicks at Easter. School terms finish and groups of kids, teenagers and the general unemployed flock around with the need for something to do. The New Jersey mall was just such a place were people liked to flock during the summer months, its overpowered Air conditioning, providing a cool relaxed atmosphere to chat and hang out.

Arin Rae was no exception to this rule and come 11:30am on the hottest Tuesday of the summer holiday so far Arin found herself, along with her boyfriend and best friend, sitting back outside the water fountain contemplating their next venture.

"We have to go check out that new sandwich place!" She declared thrusting her hand into the pocket of her denim shorts for a coin to throw into the fountain.

The boy, by far the tallest of the three glanced up, one blond eyebrow raised over his blue sparkling eyes. He laughed sending his longish wavy hair into disarray.

"Thinking about your stomach as always….how on earth can you eat so much and yet never gain a pound." He asked snickering as he narrowly avoided a playful left hook from the dark haired female.

"Hey watch it" he yelled fighting to keep himself out of the water. A passing security guard lowered his sunglasses at them as he walked past.

"Ohhh see what you made me do Zenneth! Do you want to get us throw out?" Arin demanded smiling. She placed her hands on her hips and tossed her hair out of the way in annoyance. "Then where would we go for lunch. Tell him Robin."

The third friend, the youngest of the group sat examining the soles of her high-tops without any apparent interest in the couple's antics. At the mention of her name she looked up. A soft long suffering grin playing at her lips.

"If you two are quite finished can we go get something to eat now? I heard they did subs over this long." She winked at Arin and held her hands out at shoulder length.

Zen sighed and rolled his eyes. "I know you guys are best friends but do you really have to side with her in EVERY argument."

"Now now dear." Arin said. She held out a hand and wiggled her fingers at the boy, the smile now radiant across her face. "Everyone has to eat you know."

With a look of utter defeat Zen got to his feet and followed Arin away from the fountain and into the crowds of people milling around them.

"You're lucky I love you you know…" he told her.

"I know..." She replied and began to pull him in the direction of the stairs.

Robin resigned to the fact she would be eating lunch hours sooner than she had planned stood slowly and bent to adjust the pleats on her skirt. As she straightened a dull throb from somewhere below her right clavicle caused her to frown and rub the spot. Still frowning she turned and began to follow her friends.

"..Come on… Arin called back.

She smiled and took a step forward, her hand going automatically to the strap of her backpack only to find it missing. In a moment of panic she spun to face the fountain and saw it still on the bench.

"…Robin…"

. The pain throbbed again as she backtracked and reached out a hand to grasp it. Clenching only air she stood looking bewildered at her empty first and shuddered under the enormous effort to draw breath. Her eye widened in realisation and she struggled with her bag for a split second before…

"…Sodas on me…" Arin's voice echoed seemingly from far off.

The tightness in her chest increased, she gave one last pitiful gasp at air and pitched forward with a splash right into the fountain.

Arin and Zen turned to look in the direction of the splash as did the host of people by them. Zen, a slight bit taller than most, spotted Robin face down in the water, her skirt askew. Grabbing Arin by the hand he launched himself back into the thong people and fought his way back through.

"Robin!!" Arin screamed as both boy and girl hit the water at the same time. Zen took hold of her shoulders and hoisted her out of the water back onto the bench. She was pale, her lips already a light blue.

"Oh my god…" Arin began as someone screamed and rushed to fetch a guard.

"Someone help! Call 911!! PLEASE SOME CALL AN AMBULANCE."


	2. Chapter One

Chapter one

**We don't own House…as much as we'd like to. **

Chapter one: Irony..Thy name is diet coke.

On the other side of town, sat the prestigious looking building that housed Princeton Plainsboro teaching hospital where, like the rest of new jersey, the heat was doing nothing (on this hottest Tuesday of the summer so far) to lighten the mood.

The staff at the reception of the clinic fanned themselves with each new file passed to them, sweat running down the faces of all those in the waiting room. The free walk-in clinic was by far the busiest that it had ever been with sixty to seventy people lined against the walls all claiming sunstroke or some other ailment.

There was the general non spoken agreement between most of them that they would stay there in the air-conditioned room for as long as possible, on the grounds that the rather irate doctor who had emerged only once or twice so far that day was not assigned to them.

Across the hall from the edgy looking people exam room two sat quietly and innocently, as a minute war against idiocy was waged within.

"And...Ahh you see senior…my hands, I cannot work like this and la familia who hire me. Well they not pay my time off without know what it is." A small, balding Hispanic man sat on the exam table the sleeves of his shirt rolled up exposing a very red, very nasty looking rash. When his doctor did not reply, he ventured.

"My grandson…he thinks it could be meningitis..."

"Your Grandson..." The doctor replied from his position at the window as he took a small orange bottle from his pocket and popped the lid off.

"… Obviously has never been to el college de medico…otherwise he would know that what you have is not meningitis." He shook a small white pill from the bottle and threw it into his mouth before turning and, leaning heavily on his cane, limped over to the stool in front of the exam table and sat down.

"…Thus by proxy making him un imbécil."

The man frowned and opened his mouth to either argue his case or that of his grandson, however House who had remained silent for most of the consultation now seemed unable to stop speaking.

"You're a Gardner for goodness sake. Ever worked with plants? Clearing weeds?"

When the man continued to look confused and no sudden inspiration dawned on him House pulled his prescription pad towards him and signing it with a flourish handed over a piece of paper.

"What you have is not meningitis. In fact what you have is possibly the most diagnostically boring event of my summer thus far."

He got to his feet and limped towards the door. The man's blank gaze following him as he sat clutching his prescription. "Hydrocortisone?" He asked.

"You have poison ivy. But thanks for playing." House told him with a look that declared the condition as obvious and the consultation at a definite end. He left the room and closed the door behind him.

Limping over to the desk he deposited the Hispanic mans file into the waiting grasp of the receptionist. Turning he glanced at the people still waiting to be seen by a doctor.

The mass population of the waiting room drew a uniformed breath and backed as far into their respective seats and corners as they could.

House inclined his head at them. "You can all breathe easy. My sentence is served. Those of you with real medical conditions will be seen by a doctor shortly, those of you using this clinic as free air conditioning will most likely still be here when I return." He limped off towards the doors.

"…I'd advise you to consider how badly you need to see a doctor today in my absence."

The door swung shut behind him and the entire room of patients released its collective breath. A handful of people detaching themselves from the crowd and leaving hastily, their heads lowered and their feet scuffing slightly in their hurry.

# # # # # # # # # # #

"Look out!" A voice called as the doors to Princeton Plainsboro's ER department swung open.

A paramedic team, pushing a dark haired girl on a gurney rushed through the halls towards a trauma room, one keeping the gurney rolling while the other ventilated the bag attached to the girl's mouth.

"What you got?" a female voice asked as she rushed over to join the gurney team. Alison Cameron took the chart the paramedic offered.

"Sixteen year old female, went for a swim in the malls fountain. Unresponsive at the scene." Paramedic Bob explained. "Pulse thredy, BP 180/90 'resp's shallow, we scooped and ran. Her friends pulled her out, they are right behind us. The female friend said she's an asthmatic, we treated with 10ccs steroids and a bronchodilator in the field… couldn't get a line in…"

The gurney rolled to a stop as it reached the trauma room. The waiting medical team moved into action as one nurse fixed the respirator and removed the bag. The rest of the medical team took hold of the body board from under the patient. Cameron took the head.

"All right. On my count." She told them. "One...Two...Three!"

The team hauled as one allowing the board to slide seamlessly onto the waiting gunrey, and the paramedic stepped back. Cameron took control of the situation, as the nurse began cutting the wet clothes from the patient; she took a pen light and shone it into her patient's eyes.

"Robin…can you hear me?" she asked loudly. " Pupils equal and responsive.." Robin remained unconscious the steady rise and fall of her chest aided by the respirator. Cameron looked worriedly at her pale face for a moment before reaching over and rubbing the knuckle of her thumb into Robins Solar plexus, the teenager's body contracted under the pressure.

"She's responsive to pain." Cameron called, unable to keep a slight note of relief from her voice. "….Ok get a blood gas, blood count, chem. Panel, electrolytes" She said. "… Start a line…Heated IV fluids"

"Positive batinsky" Someone at the feet called up. A ripping sound of Velcro sounded as an intern removed the collar and gently examined the patient's neck.

"Necks clear"

"Portable chest and neck..." Cameron continued as she plugged her stethoscope into her ears and pressed the diaphragm against the girl's chest. " Good breath sounds bi-laterally."

# # # # # # # # # # # #

Arin took a slow breath and began pacing the waiting area again. Thirteen steps forwards, one-step around, thirteen steps back, she counted.

She was soaking wet, the blanket the paramedics had given her lay forgotten on a chair next too the equally soaking Zen who watched his girlfriends progression without saying a word.

"Wearing a trench in the carpet isn't going to help her you know." Zen said gently breaking the silence.

Arin spun on her heel and flashed Zen an argy look. However, he was spared the full fury of her wrath for his momentary lapse in judgment as a female figure clad in a white lab coat entered the waiting area

She looked around at the both of them, wet and worried looking and cleared her throat.

"Are you two Arin Rae and Zenneth Macleod?"

Both teenagers came closer. Arin, almost nose to nose.

"Is Robin alright? Is she going to be ok?"

The female doctor smiled warmly at them. "I'm Doctor Cameron; Robin's going to be just fine. She's on a respirator at the moment but she regained consciousness a little while ago and all of her tests have come back fine so far."

Zenneth raised his eyebrows." A respirator? Isn't that serious?"

"The respirator was helping her breathe when she was brought in. However if things continue to go as well as they are now we will have her off it soon enough. "She explained patiently and gave them a smile. " It looks like you two pulled her out just in time."

"Can we see her?" Arin asked her eyes slightly blood shot.

Cameron pondered this for a moment and said slowly. "Yes…you can as soon as she's back from CT…"

Arin looked hugely relieved. She let loose an audible sigh and clutched Zen's hand his earlier comment forgotten as her anxiety dissipated.

"I was wondering" Cameron continued. "Would either of you have contact details for Robin's Parents…we've been unable to reach them."

"Yes" both of them replied together causing Cameron to smile wider.

"I'll go." Zen said kindly, giving Arin a pat on the arm. "Why don't you go find us a soda or something? We'll meet back here in five?"

Arin nodded grateful of the distraction and watched Cameron lead Zen back down the corridor towards the main admit desk. Turning to her left, she picked a remotely vending machine wielding corridor and headed down it, her fingers jangling at the loose change in her damp pockets.

At the admit desk, Zen stood with the phone in his hand as he dialled.

"Sorry about Arin." He told Cameron. "She doesn't like hospitals much and Robins her best friend…you know when she saw her in the fountain like that…"

"..She kind of freaked out?" Cameron offered kindly as she watched.

"Well yeah…she didn't mean to be demanding though."

"It's all right. I understand you are both worried. It happens all the time."

Zen smiled slightly and pressed the phone to his ear. "Hello Mrs Adamson? It's Zenneth…" He began.

# # # # # # # # # # # # # #

Six corridors away, Arin had finally managed to find a set of working vending machines that didn't sell drinks from the 1980s. She gave herself a metaphorical pat on the back, her mood greatly improved now that she was sure Robin was going to be all right and that she was beginning to dry out. She fumbled in her pockets for a moment trying to find a dollar bill that wasn't wet, oblivious to the noises going on around her.

Coin firmly in hand she stood in front of three likely looking soda targets and pondered which cans to buy. If there was, nothing that she hadn't learnt from her grandfather was that in times of stress and uncertainty the littlest things such as Mountain dew or grape flavoured soda were things that helped return the situation to normality.

"Robin…Robin..." she pondered allowed "Coke, Diet coke, or Dr Pepper?"

As Arin walked the short distance between each machine pointing, and muttering to herself, the elevator door binged its arrival and smoothly slid open to reveal a tall man dressed in a crumpled shirt and walking with a cane.

House stepped from the elevator still fuming from the most boring morning of summer. Filled with sunburnt, annoying whining idiots. In addition, the apparent inability, for the air-conditioning in his office to work. He limped his way across the deserted hall and stopped in front of the vending machine, finally grateful to have found a working one that didn't sell sodas from Cuddy's fits into nostalgia.

He inserted a couple of coins into the machine and hit the button with the handle of his cane. The rumbling of the machine as it produced his drink also seemed to stimulate a response in the only other occupant of the corridor.

The dark haired girl to his left paused in her pacing to put a series of coins into a machine and stood deliberating which cans to pick. He watched her with only a passing interest as he back peddled slowly and sank down onto the leather sofas opposite the machines.

Arin sighed. Obviously, Picking Sodas was a job meant for people with more patience than her. She dropped a quarter and bending to pick it up brushed against the pot of flowers that seemed to be everywhere at the hospital. Wondering why sodas couldn't just be the exact same drink and half pondering if she should get Robin a diet or a bottle of water she finally closed her eyes and jabbed her finger at the first button within reach.

Taking the cans, she walked over to the sofa opposite and threw herself down into its soft expanse. With a sigh she brought the soda can in her left hand up to the nape of her neck and the one in her right hand to her forehead. She sat there her eyes closed enjoying the silence and ignorant of the man sitting beside her.

House looked over at her as he sipped his soda. " You know…if you're trying to keep the weight off I wouldn't have gone for the diet coke if I were you. Water's much better…not filled with those yummy sugars and sweetners that they say they haven't included."

Arin opened her eyes and brought the cans slowly down from her skin. She turned her head slightly and took in the man in his untidy shirt and his general dishevelled appearance in one glance. Fixing him with a stern glare, which she normally saved for the small children in her street, she responded;

"I don't drink diet sodas…it's not for me if you must know."

House met her glare with a sturdy look of his own. "Well tell your, obviously misguided friend she may as well drink the good stuff. That way she won't be surprised when she gains weight instead of loosing it."

Arin sat up straight and scowled. "Who the hell do you think you are? And if your so stuck on dieting and loosing weight why don't you go throw up or something yourself and leave me and my obviously misguided friend out of it."

"Let's see," He said, as he looked her up and down. ".. Your about 5'7 and you weigh what? 125 pounds" House continued ignoring her rude interruption.

"But never mind, it's your misguided friend with the weight problem. You can drink all the diet soda you like."

Arin stood, her face flushed between embarrassment and rage. She rubbed at her eyes in frustration and clutched the soda cans as though they were grenades.

"If you must know…Mr I'm too good to iron a shirt I am 5'7 and I weigh 145 pounds. Which I will have you know is well within my recommended weight range. In fact! It's a couple of pounds over my ideal weight."

"The classic signs of anorexia nervosa are the patient knowing their weight range and considering themselves over their ideal weight." House continued. He had rested his chin on the handle of his cane now and was staring directly ahead of himself at the machines opposite.

"Well done. We got taught that in health class last year too." She hissed at him. "You could at least have the decency to look at me if you're planning on insulting me you know." The temptation to throw the diet soda at the man was beginning to get too much for Arin and she took a deep breath in trying to steady her now, too obvious, shaking arms.

"Your transition between denial to anger is rather astounding." House told her as he tapped his cane on the floor. Turning he fixed her with a faked surprise gaze.

"…Hey…have you done this before."

Arin dropped both cans of soda with a clatter and brought her hands up to her hair. Rubbing her palms into her itching eyes, she tried to regain some composure.

"ARGH! What the hell is your problem! You…you annoying…cane wielding…jerk"

"At least I don't have puffy eyes." House said calmly as he finished his soda and threw the can hook shot, into the trash can on the wall. "You gonna finish those?" He asked her pointing at the two by his feet she had dropped.

Arin, her face now puce, bent down and scooped the cans from him. Straightening she turned, breathing heavily and with one last glare stormed down the corridor back the way she had come.

"Jackass!"

"You might want to get rid of the pollen on your arm by the way!" He called after her. "The orange colour doesn't really do with the whole pale stick thin look you've got going there."

Arin yelled something obscene from down the corridor and kicked the door open with enough force to make it clang against the wall.

"I'll be sure to register your complaint with the hospital administrator and have the offending flowers and all others of its kind removed! Mark your thank you letter out to Doctor James Wilson! "

The battle of wits over, house grabbed his can tightly in one hand and glanced at his watch. "Lunch time…" he singsonged "…ham and pickle day." And, hoisting himself up from the sofa he limped back towards the elevator.

Zen looked at his watch for the third time in the past three minutes and wondered if he should go look for Arin. He was just about to make a move off down the corridor when he spotted her stomping down the corridor towards him. Her jaw was set in a look that told him she was grinding her teeth, her hair standing on end slightly from having her hands run through it when damp.

"Where have you been? I meant get sodas here not go back to the mall." He told her as she reached him. He watched her lean on the wall by Robin's door soda in hand. "You ok?" he asked

Arin remained silent for a split second before she launched into a torrent of words.

"No I am not ok! I just met the world's most annoying man EVER I mean really! Who the hell did he think he was? Making comments about my weight and calling me anorexic as if I didn't have enough of that from the kids at school!! ARGH what a CROC!"

Zen blinked slowly and dipped his head down to look at her better.

"Man!!" he whistled. "This guy musta really set you off…you look livid…you're eyes and cheeks are bright red."

"Yeah well…he smelled funny too"

Zen began to laugh as the door opened and Dr Cameron put her head out. "Ahh there you two are…Robin wants to see you..." she began and frowned looking at them both. " Something wrong?"

"Zenneth Nicolas Macleod! It is not funny! Honestly! "She raged and turning she walked into Robins room past Cameron whose eyes had widened. Zen followed suit.

Robin sat on the bed, her face almost completely obscured by the oxygen mask that had replaced the respirator, a steady beep beep from the machines next to her marking the pumps of her heart. As her friends entered, she lowered an eyebrow at the look of annoyance and anger on Arin's face, which quickly disappeared when the friends caught sight of each other.

"OHHH Robin!" Arin said loudly as she rushed forwards. She gently hugged her friend and stroked her hair.

"You scared me so much! Are you all right?"

"Fine…sorry" Robin croaked with a smile. "They cut my skirt though…gutted..."

"Never mind we'll have to buy you a new one. God I'm tempted never to let you out of this room again let alone back to the mall….you about gave me heart failure."

Zen came to the other side of the bed and sat on its edge. "I called you're mom. She is getting the next flight here so she will be here in about an hour and your dad won't be far behind. I thought she was going to throttle me down the phone." He joked.

The three friends laughed an awkward, relieved sound that follows such an event when one of their number is thought to be lost yet found. Cameron, checking the machines smiled again enjoying the friendship these three obviously shared.

"Why …you look like someone's smacked you?" Robin asked Giving Arin a prod with her bandaged left hand.

"Urgh! " Arin began then feeling the anger and the heat rise in her face, she shook her head. "It was nothing, I went to get sodas…met a really annoying doctor. "

"Was …he cute?" Robin asked causing Zen's eyes to take on a faraway look, showing is disinterest in the current topic of conversation.

"Can Robin have a soda?" He asked Cameron.

"Well I think she'd be better off with the ice chips she has there just now….but it's the thought that counts right?"

Arin made a face at Robin's last comment "Bah!! No, he was horrible. Doctor Wilson…never met anyone so rude in my life. I should have hit him with the stupid cane he had."

At the mention of the word cane, Cameron stopped talking with Zenneth and interrupted. "Excuse me…did you say Doctor Wilson with a cane? "

"Yeah. Jerk…he's not a friend of yours is he?"

"Are you sure it was Wilson?" She asked with a knowing look.

"Pretty sure…" Arin started. She paused and clicked her fingers. "Aww shoot! I've left the sodas in the hall. Two secs!"

With that, she leapt up from the bed and giving Robins hand a gentle squeeze walked back towards the door.

She rubbed a hand across her eyes as she went and swallowed a strange numb feeling in her throat. Considering if she was thirstier from her ordeal than she thought she reached up for the door handle and took a breath to steady herself again. Only to find she couldn't.

A feeling as though someone had pushed a plastic bag into her mouth prevented her from taking in any more air than was already in her lungs. She spun to face her friends to find only Robin watching her in confusion.

Everything seemed to happen in slow motion then, a sudden searing pain in her ribs brought on an intense wave of dizziness and nausea. She opened her mouth to call for help only to hear a sucking sound from her lips. Robin's Voice echoed from far off, followed by Zen's and Cameron's before she felt the nausea get the better of her, she felt her throat swell as something wet tried to escape it without much success, and the room went black.

9


	3. Chapter Two

Chapter 2

**Authors note: Sorry it took so long to update! Things have been somewhat mad. As always please feel free to review we really love comments!! ******** In addition, no offence is intended as ever ******

**Disclaimer: We do not own house. We would like to but we don't.**

**Chapter 2; Makot Mitzrayim- All Hail House. **

Lunch time, the time of day when people at Princeton Plainsboro teaching hospital, generally, attempted to find food.

The extreme heat meant that many of the staff who found themselves off duty or able to grab a quick bite were situated inside the cafeteria, the air conditioning up to full. Those who considered themselves brave enough to venture outside, looked longingly back at the building, and weighed the possibility of entering it again without having to leave the shade.

Unaware of the battle of indecisiveness, Doctor James Wilson sat in his office with his shirt sleeves rolled up and his lab coat hung, unceremoniously on the back of his chair. He flipped another folder closed and ran a hand wearily across his forehead. Though the air-conditioning was on and his windows wide open he still felt the perspiration trickle down his neck. He reached for another file and delved head first into his work, trying to find a distraction.

So absorbed was he that he did not pay any attention to the door to his office opening, silently nor to the person who limped through it. It was not until a sharp bang announced the head of a cane on his desk that he even so much as gave his visitor reason to suspect he was aware of their presence at all.

"House…" he sighed without looking up from his work. " I have three months worth of charting to do. Whatever this is make it quick."

The other doctor's response was to draw the cane back across the desk hooking a small plastic box with it.

"It's lunch time." House said. His tone light and matter of fact. He limped over and dropped himself into the chair opposite causing Wilson to sigh again when he heard the seat springs creak.

"And..."Wilson began without looking up. " ..You've lost your way to the cafeteria again haven't you? Funny how you can always find it when i'm there."

A rustle of tinfoil sounded before House spoke again. "It's Ham and pickle day." He said.

Wilson paused in his notation his eyebrows knitting together in confusion. "You don't like pickle…"

"Exactly. However, thanks to our esteemed dean of medicine cutting corners on this months food budget the cafeteria now…on Tuesdays serves ham and pickle. I've been forced to seek out alternatives" House replied as he peeled the two bits of sandwich from inside the tinfoil apart to peer at the filling.

"You've taken up cooking?" Wilson enquired as he wiped his hand over his sweaty forehead again and went back to his notes.

"No…I've found another cafeteria. They serve better sandwiches anyway." He emphasised his point by putting both sandwiches together and biting into the soft bread.

"Is it just me….or is the true art of sandwich making restricted only to those of your faith? How do you Jews do it?" he asked as he chewed.

Wilson sighed, deeply, again at the joke and put his pen down.

"Sorry Pharaoh house….the secrets of my people's sandwich making is denied to you." He remarked sarcastically. "Now return the sandwich to ye old sacred lunch box lest the wrath of Egypt and the ten plagues of Princeton reign down upon on you."

House threw the half-eaten sandwich back into the tinfoil and placed the box firmly back on the desk. Using his cane to knock it back into place as well as knocking over Wilson's lamp.

"I knew I never should have let your people go!" he exclaimed as he sat back in the chair. "But…the parting of the red sea was cool I suppose."

Wilson looked up for the first time, his face etched with a mingle of annoyance and sweat.

"Lets see…doomed to walk forty years in the desert or doomed to a rule of tyranny. Touch call." He began but was silenced by house's inquisitive glance.

The unkempt looking doctor tilted his head slightly. His eyes flickering between the open windows and the air vent.

"What?" Wilson demanded as he followed his friends gaze.

"It's a cool 68 degrees in here" House stated and flashed a piercing look back to Wilson's face. " Air conditioning is on and all of the windows are open…but you're still flushed. Are you sick?"

Wilson threw his folder down roughly, well as roughly as one can throw paper down, and glared at House.

"I have a slight head cold if you must know. Why are you still in here anyway? You've gotten most of my lunch why aren't you in your own office? "

"You're air conditioning is working. Mines broken." He said in a bored way. "Head cold hu? Low-grade fever? What 99.9-100.2?"

Wilson stretched and rubbed the bridge of his nose, he was spared the indignity of a response however by the timely bleeping of his guest's pager. He re arranged his papers again while house looked to the little black box.

"It appears you'll have to diagnose yourself Wilson. I apparently have a patient…which is funny because I don't remember taking the case." House sighed in a dramatic way and picking up his cane limped towards the door.

Wilson watched him go. His brow furrowed once again. The lines on his forehead deepened when the door swung shut and House, instead of going left turned to his right and limped out of sight. Getting to his feet, he followed and stood in his doorway.

"House!" he called after the retreating form. "Have you forgotten your way back to your office as well now? It's that way." He gestured behind him with his thumb

"Yes…I know I didn't say I was going to my office"

"But. You said you had a patient." Wilson began confused.

"I said apparently…" House walked backwards for a moment facing Wilson. "I also said you had a fever AND that I didn't remember taking the case."

He prodded the button to the lift with the bottom of his cane and limped through its doors as they opened.

Wilson gave a pained look and called. "I suppose when they mummify you they'll have a set of separate sarcophagi. One for your Cane and the other for you're stash of Vicodin!"

House waved his cane at Wilson as the doors closed and left him standing alone in the corridor looking hot and highly confused.


	4. Chapter Three

**Authors note: My appologies for the delay it's taken me this long to get my co-author to sit down and continue this thing. I mean honestly! ******

**Note from the Co-Author: Yep all my fault folks, if there's anyone still reading this please review remark and complain if you like ******

**Disclaimer: We do not own House, Cuddy Wilson ect ect, we do however own Mrs Macpherson, Arin, Zenneth, Robin and the other half of Wilsons Lunch. (Sorry Wilson)**

**Chapter Three- Rudeness Is In The Eye Of The Benefactor. **

Amidst the heat, the war on sandwiches, and the meandering back and forth of the sick, the poor and the huddled masses two men sat apparently uninterested in the goings on outside the room. One held a chart in his left hand and flicked through it uninterestedly while the other sat tapping a pen on his teeth. His eyes flickering over the cross word he was doing.

Foreman wiped his hand across his brow and set the coffee cup down on the table. Casting a glance at the burly repairperson pouring over a battered air-conditioning unit he huffed a sigh. His companion seemed to take this as an indication to speak.

"Seven letters...Corrosive. Lemons are bitter. "Chase mused tapping his pen again. " First letters a C."

Foreman opened his mouth to reply his eyebrows arched in amusement when the door swung open and in marched a very determined looking Cameron. Before the door had, had a chance to swing shut, again she was speaking, reading from the file in her hand.

"Seventeen year old female, collapsed in the ER suffering from shortness of breath and syncope. No history of..."

Chase shuffled his paper without looking up. "He's not here." He said simply causing Cameron to stop mid sentence and look up a confused look on her face.

She slid her glasses from her eyes and stared accusingly at the males assembled there. Doctors and Air-conditioning staff alike, as though they were personally responsible for her boss' absence.

"Where is he?" she demanded swinging the file around her as she scanned the office. "I paged him five minutes ago."

Chase shrugged as he pointed his pen at the paper. Foreman on the other hand had gone back to his coffee and met her gaze questioningly.

"He was just here. Mentioned going for a dip in the pool since the air conditioning to his office had gone down. We said we'd stay here in case someone from UPS arrived." He shook his head at her and switched tactics from sarcasm to obvious statement.

"Its lunchtime...its ham and pickle day. That means only one thing." He shrugged his shoulders at her encouragingly. As though he were willing her to solve the mystery.

Cameron frowned for a split second then sighed long-suffering. "Wilson..." she said softly and turning on her heel marched back out the door again leaving the office in a stunned science.

"Shouldn't you two go after her?" The repairman asked absently from his work. Causing both Doctors to exchange glances and get up from their respective seats.

Down the hall, Wilson sat in his office a glass of water in one hand and an aspirin in the other. He swallowed the pill and began to take a mouthful to wash it down when the door suddenly burst open and into the mass of filing and charting, Cameron strode, reading from a file as she came.

"Seventeen year old female, collapsed in the ER..." She said quickly as Wilson almost spat the water back out at the interruption. He regained himself however and sighed at her before picking up his pen again.

"Sorry the Pharaoh has already left the office having desecrated the scared lunch box. " He pointed out the door with his pen. "If you run now you may catch him before he reaches his chariot." At this, as though on queue Foreman and Chase appeared in the doorway.

"Where is he then? He isn't in his office." Cameron said.

Wilson nodded to the other members of the team. "Come on in, join the party." He said in slight annoyance before putting his pen down and looking up at the female in the lab coat his brow furrowing questioningly.

"You page him a case, he hasn't agreed to take. He doesn't appear in HIS office, so you check mine." His brows furrowed in question momentarily before he gestured around at the office. "Please feel free to check under the bookcases but put everything back on your way out."

Wilson picked up his pen again and began to write ignoring the presence of the other doctors. "Have you tried Cuddy's?" He added as an afterthought causing Cameron to spin again and march from the room. "But please don't slam the..." he began as the door slammed.

Dropping his pen again, Wilson sighed and brought his hand up to rub at his temple. Two interruptions in the space of ten minutes had done nothing to alleviate his mood and resigning himself to the fact that his charting was not going to be finished in time for lunch He closed the file and reached over for his lunchbox. Flipping it open he surveyed inside it for one long, painfully slow minute before grinding his teeth together. " House!!" he declared and leaping up to his feet he turned the door handle and marched out into the labyrinth of the hospital after the team.

In her office, unaware that a search party was soon to burst through her door, Lisa Cuddy, dean of medicine sat laughing with an elderly woman who seemed to be talking at length about some sort of thing. She gestured aimlessly for a moment or two at waist height then snickered and brought her hand up from the purse in her lap to adjust a pin in the hat she had placed over her cropped iron-grey hair.

Outside the office, observing this Doctor Greg House tapped his cane in slight agitation then without pausing to knock pulled the door open and strode in. His back straight and his hand clutching something in tinfoil. He had gotten across the office before the stunned silence his entry had caused both women present dissipated and Cuddy was able to form words.

"Doctor House!" she exclaimed in disbelief. "I'm in a meeting...." She fixed him with a large false smile and a look that clearly said," Get the hell out of here."

House watched the smile spread across her face and returned it with a smug smirk of his own before he dropped himself into the other chair by the little old lady and began to un-wrap the tinfoil in his hand.

"I just dropped by to let you know that I have received a complaint about those abominations of floral mother earthiness that you seem to have infested the hospital with. " He looked across at the still stunned Woman and held out a hand. "Hi, Greg House. "

The woman blinked at him and stared suspiciously at the proffered hand until it was withdrawn then looked at Cuddy questioningly.

Cuddy sighed slightly and fixed the smile back on her face. "Mrs Macpherson This is Doctor House, our head of diagnostic medicine. He's about to leave. House..." She fixed him with an icy glare

"This is Mrs Macpherson. She and her Husband Mr Macpherson own a massive florists chain and have just taken over the Florist store in town. She was kind enough to donate the flower pots to the hospital to make the place look brighter."

House glanced back at the woman then extend the tinfoil wrapped sandwich as if this gesture of goodwill made up for his earlier outburst. Mrs Macpherson looked it for a moment then timidly extended a shaking hand of her own and picked a sandwich up. She still seemed to be rather stunned.

House looked back at Cuddy." Doesn't say much does she?" he asked indicating her with a nod of his head. Cuddy glowered at him for a moment trying to remain in control of her voice level. She sighed inwardly and smiled reassuringly at the florist who was now peeling the sandwich apart to pear at the filling.

"Mrs Macpherson was also just telling me how she and her husband were big donators to the local hospital where they used to live... And that she would be interested in helping us here at Princeton to replace that MRI machine that mysteriously broke last week." She raised her eyebrows pointedly at House at this point as Mrs Macpherson bit into the sandwich House had given her.

House arched his eyebrows and looked at the woman again. "Kudos. A florist who shares cares."

Cuddy opened her mouth with a small shake of her head. However before she could so much as utter another word the door opened again and in strode Doctors Foreman, Chase, and Cameron. The latter at the lead clutching a chart in her arms as though it were her first-born child.

House turned in his seat to look at them and clicked his tongue as Cameron began talking at breakneck speed. "SeventeenyearoldfemalecollapsedintheERsufferingshortnessofbreathandsyncopyipagedyou."

Foreman and Chase exchanged glances again while Chase mouthed, "Did you get any of that?"

House on the other hand frowned and gestured at the seated women. Cuddy- who seemed to be sucking in air unable to articulate her rage- and the Woman who sat clutching her sandwich in one hand and trying to hide her purse with the other.

"What's the meaning of this, barging in here like that you should be ashamed of yourselves. Can't you see that Doctor Cuddy and I are in a meeting?" He shook his head and sniffed through his nose apparently appalled. Reaching over to clasp the sandwich clenched hand of the woman he added.

"Mrs Macpherson I am so sorry for this interruption! How awful this must seem for you! As though our dean of medicine just cannot control her employees... They just come bursting into her office unannounced with not a single regard for its occupants! Honestly. What is the world coming to?"

Mrs Macpherson took a breath in and glared at Cuddy. "I cannot say what sort of operation you have going here Doctor Cuddy but I for one have had enough drama for one day! I am an elderly woman and if you are unable to contain your employees I am regrettably going to take my donation elsewhere." She stood and smoothed her skirt out and placed the bitten sandwich on Cuddy's desk. "Good day to you." She emphasised and Turning nodded at House. "Doctor House it was pleasure making your acquaintance."

House watched her suddenly interested and nodded his head. This had not been the reaction, he had envisioned. "Any time." He told her.

Mrs Macpherson strode from the office pausing only to allow Chase to move from her path and out into the foyer. Cuddy stood from behind her desk her face livid and glared at House.

"You stay there...do not move until I get back." She scolded and hurriedly followed the woman. Her voice echoing back as she went. "I am sooo sorry Mrs Macpherson please wont you reconsider, we can reschedule. I assure you that this is not how we do things around here."

The rest of the conversation and Cuddy's assurances were cut off as Foreman with a sheepish look slowly closed the door.

Cameron looked appalled as House stood from his chair and limped to behind Cuddy's desk. "What was all that about?" She asked the chart in her hand forgotten in the sudden unexpectedness of the situation. Foreman and Chase came further into the room as House dropped himself into Cuddy's seat and pulled his bad leg up onto the desk.

"Mommy has to reschedule another play date. You were rambling about seventeen year olds with syncope in the ER." House told her. As she looked down at the folder again and opened her mouth to speak House continued. "No I wasn't asking I was telling you. And the reason I was telling was that I was really asking... Why you were rambling about seventeen year old with syncope in the ER."

Cameron blinked then stuttered over her words as she tried to find an explanation. "I paged you..." she finally managed to say as she held the file out to him and sat down in front of Cuddy's desk.

House met her gaze with a steely one of his own. "Which brings me to my next question why were you paging me? I don't recall asking you to go down into the ER and find me a case. I haven't even met this..." He looked at the upside down file for a second. "Arin Rae...why do I care why she's passing out in the ER. Still" he admonished, "it's better to pass out there I suppose than while she's ten pin bowling."

Cameron sighed and glanced over her shoulder for support. The other two looked pointedly away. A small spark of rage kindling Cameron turned all indecision gone. "I thought it was interesting. She blacked out in the ER after her friend was brought in having suffered an asthma attack and a near drowning. She's seventeen ER work up revealed no reason for the syncope. "

"What about the shortness of breath?" Foreman asked coming forward and picking up the file. Lack of oxygen could have made her dizzy, made her pass out. Simple solution, give her Oxygen, send her on her way."

Cameron turned and looked at him. "But what was the reason for the shortness of breath? Personally I would have said it was the stress of finding her friend unconscious in a fountain, coupled by the fact she wandered around the hospital in a pair of shorts, soaking wet for about twenty minutes looking for cans of soda." At this, she pointedly looked at House. And continued to watch him for a reaction.

"Any history of asthma?" Chase asked interestedly as he too joined the team at the desk and began reading the file over Foreman's shoulder.

House continued to look at Cameron and waved his cane. "Hey hey hey...you're getting ahead of yourselves. You don't start the differential BEFORE I've agreed to take the case. You do that after...silly"

House Snatched the file back from them and pretended to read it. His eyes not moving over the lettering as he did so. "Seventeen year old wearing shorts... Let me guess, tall, thin. Buying sodas from hospital vending machines most likely diet sodas. Syncope and shorts and diet soda all point to one thing." He closed the file and threw it back at Foreman who caught it awkwardly.

"She's suffering from a weight disorder. The flavour of the month seems to be Anorexia... get her a diet plan a psyche referral and get her out of here. Case solved"

Chase and Foreman sighed and standing, moved to leave. Cameron however stayed where she was. "It can't be. She's 145 pounds well within the normal weight range for her height. She has no hypotension and..."

"Did you weigh her yourself?" House asked interrupting Cameron's rant of reasons why not. The female looked suspiciously at him.

"No..." she conceded." But I have a note of her weight from the history..."

House sighed to himself, "Chase, would you do the honours."

The blond Australian looked quizzically around at his colleagues then with slight confusion at his boss. "Honours? " He asked with a small shake of his head.

With a sigh, House cast his eyes upwards as though the ceiling held some sort of reprieve. "Why must I be surrounded by idiots? Foreman."

Foreman looked over at both Cameron and chase. "Everybody lies." He admitted reluctantly with a shrug.

House, seemed genuinely happy with this response looked back earthwards. "Thank you." He exclaimed. "At least someone was paying attention in class." He fixed Cameron with a knowing look. "Of course someone with Anorexia is going to TELL you her ideal weight is what she actually weighs. Otherwise, we wouldn't call it an eating disorder would we? We'd call it ...something else."

When all three of his accomplices failed to see the humour in his witty remark, House sighed and shook his head. "Fine. Go weigh her THEN get her a diet plan refer her to the psyche ward and get her out of here. Case solved"

Cameron blinked and shook her head unhappily at him from her seat. "But..." However before she could finish the door to the office opened again and Wilson entered. He put his hands on his hips and surveyed the one remaining sandwich in tinfoil on Cuddy's desk.

House glanced up at Wilson once then back at his team who still had not moved. "Seriously." He told them a hint of annoyance in his tone now. "Weight test, diet plan, psyche ward, out of here. In that order." He gave them all another second or two before waving them away with his hands.

Foreman was the first to the door, he passed Wilson with an apologetic look, and holding the file under his arm exited Cuddy's office. Closely followed by a stunned looking Cameron and Chase.

House inclined his head at Wilson who strode the office, one hand still firmly on his hip the other outstretched to take the tinfoil back. House looked between the one remaining part of what had once been Wilsons Lunch and with a resounding Sigh he tossed it, back at the oncologist who squeezed his hand around it as though frightened it might escape...again.

Either too annoyed or unable to think of how to vocalise the latest travesty House had inflicted upon him Wilson turned and began walking back towards the door. Shaking his head as he went.

"You still have a fever." House told him as Wilson stopped at the doorway to allow Cuddy entry back into her office. She looked at him questioningly however his muteness seemed too far-gone for her to fix and instead he settled for a dismissive wave of his hand.

Cuddy Sighed to herself in exasperation and stood pointedly waiting for House to get out of her chair. When he did so, she held up a hand wearily. "I don't want to know what you've done to Wilson, I don't want to know why your team barged in here I don't even want to know why YOU barged in here. Please just go to the clinic and do your damn job."

House raised his eyebrows and tapped his cane. " Cant. Got a case. " he told her and turning he limped off towards the door feeling Cuddy's disbelieving gaze on his back as he went.

Cuddy sighed and put her hand down on the desk as the door clicked closed behind him. It was days like this she decided that she really, really, needed to post security outside her door. She closed her hand on the soft bread absently and bringing it to her mouth bit into Mrs Macpherson's disregarded sandwich in annoyance. After she had chewed a couple of times, she looked down at her hand and with a noise of disgust tossed the offending deli item into the trashcan.


	5. Chapter Four

**Authors Note: Hey guys! Thanks for the reviews and emails concerning the fict. We really love to hear from everyone ^_^ so please review. **

**Disclaimer: We don't own House, Chase, Foreman Cameron ect. We do own Arin, Zenneth and Robin. But not Arin's left shoe. It's been stolen**

Chapter 4- Which Way is the Right Weigh?

In the relative quiet of the upstairs patient area, a tall teenage boy paced back and forth between the nurses station and the room he had been unceremoniously throw out of five minutes previous. He spun on the spot and marched back the way he had come ignorant of everything and one in his path.

This summer sucked. Zenneth decided. The first summer from high school, where he had his own set of wheels, and his friend and his girlfriend had both taken ill on the same day. The same bloody day. Conflicted he glanced at the elevator and considered going back down to Robin's room as the female doctor, Cameron, had suggested.

Inside the room, Allison Cameron placed a set of analogue scales slightly in front of her and smiled apologetically at her patient who was changing into a hospital gown.

"I'm sorry Arin." She continued apologetically. "My boss is very particular about the cases he takes and this looks like its going to be the only way he'll take yours."

Arin grimaced. She felt annoyed and swallowed a quick retort before replying carefully. "Well to be honest I don't really want your boss to take my case. I want to get this over with and Go Home." She emphasised.

Cameron raised her eyebrows. "Doctor House is a good doctor. One of the best." When her patients only reply was to give her a disbelieving look she sucked in a breath and gave up her line of argument. "Ok then whenever you are ready." She gestured at the scales in a helpless way.

Arin closed her eyes and sighed again as she stepped forwards. "You don't like people asking about your weight do you?" Cameron continued.

Frowning Arin shook her head. "Who does?" she asked as she stepped on the scales.

Cameron glanced down at the spinning dial and considered her reply. "That's true but you seem to have a real issue with it…"before she could finish Arin's voice interrupted sounding triumphant.

"There. I told you so." The teen said. She stepped back off the scales and sat down on the chair by the window. Ignoring the hospital bed entirely. "Can I get dressed now?"

Cameron noted the number and glanced up at her, the numbers Arin had given her in the ER were right on, almost to the exact pound. Regardless of what House said the teenager weighed 145lbs. Well within her recommended weight range.

Before she could confirm Arin's request to get dressed the door slid open and into the room walked Doctor Chase, a clipboard under one arm. He scanned the room then flashed Arin one of his Bond like smiles.

"Oh great." Arin said throwing her hands into the air. "Another one…" The smile vanished. Cameron unable to hide her smile turned to look at Chase her eyebrows raised.

"House was wrong." She told him." Her weight is exactly what she said and I re-checked her BP no hypotension no enamel erosion."

Arin watched the doctors chat and felt the anger flush upwards from somewhere near her neckline. She blushed and instinctively went for the strap of her backpack for a cold can of soda to put against her neck. When she couldn't find one, she instead turned her fury on both of her doctors.

"You thought I was anorexic!" she demanded. "That's fine. Ok thank you for your help... going home now." Still fuming she stood and began looking for her shorts and shoes.

Cameron turned and looked at her. The expression on the young girls face made her feel as though she had been caught with her hand in the cookie jar and she shook her head. Trying to deny her claim. "No! We just had to make sure."

Chase ignored the outburst and nodded his head at the notes Cameron was now clutching. "Sorry to burst your bubble but wrong or not House isn't going to accept your word and scribbled notes anymore than he accepted hers." He gestured at Arin." House only believes what he can see…give him a proper result on paper and he'll accept it. Hand that to him." He pointed at Camerons notes again with a smug grin on his face. "And we'll all end up doing his clinic hours till the end of the month."

Cameron looked slightly outraged and opened her mouth to argue. "I did what he asked I put her on a set of scales how else are we going to show him the results if we don't write it down? Take her to his office?"

Chase looked smug and placed his hands in the pockets of his lab coat. Slightly rocking on the balls of his feet he flashed Arin another grin. "We could do that, and then end up doing House's clinic duty for two months. Or...." He nodded his head to the right slightly.

Cameron glared at him. Glancing back at Arin she ascertained their patient was paying more attention to accumulating her clothes before she turned back to him. "Ok, how do you suppose we do the test?"

"We use the water tank." Chase said coolly as though the answer was obvious. "We stick her in there get a printed weight and BMI on paper and hand that to him. Done." He turned the clipboard over and showed it to Cameron. "All we need is her consent."

Cameron all but rolled her eyes at him. "Fine." She turned and glanced at Arin. "We're going to need an adult to sign this."

Arin sighed and dropped her shoes back onto the floor. She stood and approaching both Cameron and Chase reached a hand out to take the form.

"My grandfather's my guardian and he's half way across the world in a conference. I have proxy _consent_ for _medical_ treatment." She raised her eyebrows at Chase when he was not forthcoming with the form then fixed him with a look very reminiscent of House.

"Seriously…I'm the only one going to sign that. If you want your test done it's me or no one. I can put you on to my housekeeper if you want but she doesn't speak much English."

Chase nodded once then reluctantly handed over the form. Arin took it and read the first line or so. Her mouth fell open and she seemed for a moment at a loss for words.

Cameron frowned at her as Chase bent to look her in the face. "Are you ok?" He asked. When she stayed staring at the form he bent lower. "Hello? Arin can you hear me?"

Worriedly he looked over at Cameron who was unclipping a penlight from her pocket. She moved to Arin. However, before she had so much as touched the teen the girl seemed to explode with rage. A dam bursting after a flood.

"You want to weigh me!!? Again!...In water.." She glanced up and waved the clipboard at Chase. "Oh yeah great plan…lets weigh the poor, thin anorexic girl in water and show **that** to our _stupid_ boss! " She huffed a sigh as she tried to regain her composure and handed the form back to him. "I'm not signing that."

Chase looked nonplussed at her and at a bemused Cameron. "Uh-oh touched a nerve I take it?" he asked.

Cameron held her palms out at Arin and tried to reason. "Look Arin I understand you don't like people talking about your weight…you're thin and because of it you get a lot of hassle from other kids but we know you're not anorexic. We just want to help you feel better."

Arin shook her head. "I'm not consenting to you weighing me twice. And I feel fine I just want to go home."

Chase looked at her seriously." People don't just collapse for no reason. If you **are **sick, then you'd be better to have Doctor House on your side than not to. And doing this test is the only way you'll get that."

"And" Cameron added suddenly. "It's only Doctor House who has the power to discharge you..."

Chase Frowned at her and opened his mouth then shut it again as he received a burning glare. He shrugged his shoulders and held the Clipboard out again.

Arin Looked between them suspiciously then at the form. "If I do this, if I let you weigh me... then this Doctor House will let me go home?"

"Absolutely." Cameron nodded encouragingly, as Arin with a resounding sigh took the form and signed her name at the bottom with a flourish.

###

Across the building in House's office Doctor Eric Foreman sat reading the newspaper Chase had previously discarded. He sighed in annoyance as something tapped sharply on the outside of the pages and flicked the paper upright again. Ignoring the other occupant in the office and thankful that at least the air-conditioning was working again. The gentle humming sound of the recently restored unit soothed his frayed patience like a balm.

At the other end of the table in a blue shirt, his jacket hanging on the back of his chair sat the offices owner. Doctor House scrunched up another bit of paper from the pile of Doctor Wilsons chart notations opposite him. After he was satisfied that the paper ball was ready he carefully fitted it inside the rubber band stretched between his thumb and index finger. Pulling it back, he took aim at the back of his fellows newspaper and released it, sending Mrs Jhonstones latest blood results at Foreman.

Foreman closed his eyes long-sufferingly as the second ball hit the paper and with a shake of his head, the air-condition balm now spent. He dropped the paper to the table and glared at His boss. Only to be rewarded with Mrs Jhonstones last blood result assailing him in the face.

"Bulls eye." House declared a triumphant grin on his face.

Foreman scrunched the perfectly rounded bullet up in his hand in annoyance and threw it back across the table towards the bin to his left. Picking up his paper again, he flicked through to the sports result page at the back and sighed.

Seconds later another ball hit the paper, this time ripping through the singular page he held with his right hand and landing in his lap. "House!" he exclaimed. He folded the paper and threw it into the bin after the ball. "Ok you have my full attention. What do you want?"

House looked innocently at the other doctor. "Can I borrow your pen?"

With a repressed growl, Foreman withdrew a capped biro pen from his pocket and slid it across the table at House. Without his paper as a distraction, he rose to his feet and walked over to the small cupboard area. He picked up the pot of coffee however before he could tip some of the contents into his mug a sharp stinging came from the back of his head followed by a small clatter as another ball of paper with his pen lid sticking from it fell to the floor.

Spinning, the coffee pot held like a grenade Foreman glared in annoyance at House who was staring at the ceiling, whistling, with an innocent look on his face. Foreman shook his head but before he could respond with a witty retort, the door to the office opened abruptly and in walked Cameron and Chase.

Chase frowned questioningly at the paper balls on the floor. "What's with all the paper?" he asked glancing between House and Foreman.

Foreman filled his mug with coffee and walking over to his seat shook his head, almost warningly, at Chase. "Don't ask." He said as he sat.

House leaned back in his chair and arching his neck slightly looked past Chase to Cameron. "Well?" he asked then raised a hand to his ear. "What was that? You were right House. She's anorexic?"

Cameron pursed her lips slightly and stepped around the Australian to drop her chart notations on the table in front of House, on top of what was left of Mrs Jhonsons file.

"She weighs 145lbs, exactly what she said, I re-checked her BP no hypotension. No anorexia and still no reason for the collapse."

"But she has a temper on her like a Tasmanian devil if that's any consolation." Chase added as he slid himself into his regular seat.

"Is that related to her symptoms?" Foreman asked as he read the copy of the file Cameron had given him in Cuddy's office

Chase stared for a moment at the top of Foreman's head. "No... Not unless you're trying to weigh her or plan on making cracks about her weight... calling her anorexic that sort of thing."

Foreman rolled his eyes and continued to read as House slid the file back at Cameron.

The female picked the file up and glanced around at her colleagues. Taking this as an indication, they could begin the differential. "It could be..."

"Hands up. Who can spot the problem here before I tell you it? Ten seconds…" House interrupted as he continued staring at the ceiling.

The team looked at each other as House rocked on his chair. Finally, when no answer was imminent House switched his gaze back at them. "How did you weigh her?"

He asked Cameron.

Cameron looked to him and folding her arms leaned back against the wall. "Using a set of analogue scales, in her room with her in a patient's gown. And no she didn't take a sandbag on with her."

"Sooo..." House began cheerily ignoring Cameron's glib remark. "Instead of going on the patient's word now we go on yours. The one who wanted us to take the patient on in the first place..." He shook his head at her in a disappointed way. "It's so like you to stick to your story."

Cameron mouthed soundlessly, outraged for a second, perhaps two before she raged. "You told me to put her on a set of scales. That's exactly what I did."

House raised his eyebrows then lowered them. "No I told you to weigh her. Not once did I mention scales. I said Weight test, Diet plan, Psych ward, Out of here. In that order."

Cameron sighed and looked at Chase who seemed to chew his lip a moment then reaching over dropped another file attached to a clipboard in front of House. House glanced down at the second file for an instant then picked up the first page to look at the second.

"She signed her own consent form?" He asked apparently uninterested in the printed results of the water tank test and BMI.

Cameron threw her hands down in exasperation. "What difference does it make? There's the result you wanted in exact measurements."

House flicked back to the results for a second then looked up at Chase." Did you check her pockets for Salt?" He asked.

Chase raised both eyebrows quickly and shook his head." Nope…because she was naked in the tank. No pockets, no salt."

Foreman grinned from the other side of the table and picking up a ball of paper from beside his foot. He threw it basketball style into the trashcan. "Face it House…you were wrong."

Cameron looked almost sympathetically at House before adding. "Ok…so can we please get on with the differential? It could be..." She stopped again and glanced as House picked up his cane and limped from the room.

"Now where are you going?" She called after him. House back peddled a moment and put his head round the open door.

"To stick her on some scales... where else?" He asked with a small shake of his head and a look that declared the purpose of his departure as blinding obvious.

##

In one of the rooms on the other side of the hospital Arin Rae sat on her bed where Chase and Cameron had left her only half an hour or so before. She ruthlessly pulled a sock onto her foot and glanced around her for the other shoe to put on top. She felt utterly humiliated and the shame of allowing both the doctors, in fact any doctor to put her through that test, burned brightly across her face.

She sighed slightly and giving up her shoe hunt for a moment, allowed herself to flop backwards into the pillows. If she were paying for this hospital bed, she may as well get a few seconds use out of it she reasoned. Closing her eyes she rubbed the heel of her palms into them determined to prevent the threatening well of tears from overflowing.

Into her silent misery, a sliding noise announced someone arriving in her room and she brought her hands down to look over at the door.

Into the room slowly came a wheelchair. Its occupant, sitting in hospital clothes much like the ones Arin had abandoned in favour of her own clothes, glanced around once then grinned in a sympathetic way at her.

Robin gestured at her designated driver and her grin became more pronounced.

"These Boyfriend things really are handy to have around. I should consider hiring one myself."

Arin raised one solitary eyebrow in question at her friend and Robin continued. "Zenneth saved me from my grandmother and mother." She explained. "The Doctors want to keep me in overnight for observation but apparently I can go home tomorrow..."

Zenneth closed the door behind him as he stepped all the way into the room and pushing Robin's chair around he positioned it close to the visitor's chair, facing towards Arin's bed. Looking up at her, he frowned and gestured at her shorts and T-shirt.

"They're letting you go already?" he asked questioningly as he sank down into the chair, leaving Arin to fold her legs under herself and sit cross-legged on the bed.

"Not exactly." She said making a face. "I'm still waiting for word from this House guy."

"So why're you dressed?" Zenneth asked, his frown easing slightly and a look of understanding beginning to cross his features.

Robin glanced between the pair and added. "Well come on now Zen... These things aren't exactly high fashion." She gestured helplessly at herself as emphasis. "I mean really? Do I look fit for a catwalk like this?"

Arin laughed suddenly, a slightly higher note than she normally did. "Yeah Robin...hospital fashion week... gotta love it." She snorted and took up the hunt for her left shoe again.

"You can't just get up and leave Arin." Zenneth added calmly. "They'll probably want to run more tests and stuff... doctors do that."

Arin glared at him her eyes flashing in anger, the flush that had crossed her face earlier returned. Her face almost fluorescent she raised a solitary finger and jabbed it at him threatingly. "Do not Test me Zenneth I am in no mood for this... ok?"

Robin bit her lip as the male member of their group rolled his eyes and sighed at his girlfriend. Turning her gaze back to Arin she began "I know you don't like Doctors Arin...but if you're sick..."

"I'm not sick... I feel fine... and I'm going home." Arin interrupted turning her glare onto her friend.

Robin chuckled and glancing to her left, she smiled at Zenneth. "Can we get Miss Rae a soda can for her neck please?"

Zenneth sighed, and ignoring Robin tried to reason with Arin again. "Arin...look don't be thick they're not going to just let you waltz out of here if they don't authorise it."

Arin folded her arms stubbornly at him and tried to regain her temper again. It was much too close to the surface today she decided. Ever since she had met that Doctor Wilson character, everything afterwards seemed to touch a raw nerve.

"Well if this doctor House doesn't arrive by the time I've found my other shoe." She declared pointing at her left foot. " I'll walk out of here whether he likes it or not. "

"In which case Doctor House, will have to send his lackeys to bring you back here whether YOU like it or not."

All three friends Jumped and turned to face the doorway. A few feet into the room, a tall man in a blue shirt and jeans stood leaning heavily on a cane.

"Kicking and screaming if need's be." The man added staring directly at Arin.

Arin returned the gaze steadily then flushed slightly again as she recognised him.

"Oh noo..." She groaned, setting her shaking head into the palms of her hands in disbelief.

"Ohh yes." House said in an amused tone, a smirk appearing on his face as his suspicion was confirmed.

At that point sparing the building tension in the room Doctors Cameron, Foreman and Chase entered and glanced towards House, now standing at the foot of Arin's bed.

Turning to Cameron Arin fought to keep her voice even and her annoyance under control. This really, couldn't be happing to her. "Who invited Skippy?" She asked the female doctor gesturing at House with a nod of her head.

Cameron opened her mouth, her expression apologetic as she realised her suspicion was correct. Obviously, they had met before. She bit her lip guiltily as she realised with a jolt that she had caused this second 'chance' encounter. Before she could utter a single syllable, however House cut in front of her.

"Skippy here..." He nodded his head at Chase who blinked confusedly at him as he continued. "And his misguided associate apparently can't do a simple weight test which I would expect first year medical students to be able to perform."

Turning his back, He bent slightly and picked up the scales. "The black guys Foreman by the way." He added, looking over his shoulder at Arin as he fiddled with the scales, his cane hooked on his arm to allow him the use of both hands.

After a moment of stunned silence, in which Arin could only watch him, seething from where she sat. House turned back towards the group and placed the Scales back onto the floor. He pointed his cane at the sitting teen.

"Now that we have the introductions out of the way. You, on the scales."

Arin's breath caught slightly in her throat and she gasped her next breath in. Looking away from House, she sought Zenneth's calm reassuring gaze. She could feel the rage that had been growing in her for the past couple of hours, heave itself upwards, and fight to escape finally in one huge volley rather than the short bursts she had allowed it before.

Zenneth however was looking searchingly at House who had not moved. Arin sucked another breath inwards and tried to count to ten slowly aware that her shoulders were shaking. Never in her whole life had she felt too angry, annoyed, embarrassed, and above all betrayed at one time.

Chase looked worriedly at her as her shoulders began to shake. Only a second or so had passed since House had uttered his demand. His eyes flickered Between Arin on the bed and the standing House who was watching her, eyes keen drinking in every slight movement that the girl made.

"This is the second time she's done this. Is she having an absence seizure?" Chase asked, breaking the silence. Zenneth turned to face Arin who's eyes were now focused on something far distant than the hospital room. Cameron started forwards anxiously. Foreman stood in the doorway looking slightly bemused at the entire situation.

House however rolled his eyes. "No you idiot..." he said without dignifying the question with a look. He moved around the scales ever so slightly and bending his back slowly lowered his head to Arin's eye level.

Arin blinked as she returned to herself with a sudden shock as Zenneth's outline was replaced by a pair of startling blue eyes. The eyes were replaced by a hand that clicked in front of her.

Being at this close proximity to House Arin clenched her teeth then with a small sigh, the click like the trigger of her gun, let lose the torrent of emotion and words that the Doctor had caused her to accumulate.

"Go to hell you annoying limping jerk!" she spat and scrambled backwards from him across the bed. Ironically towards Cameron. "I am sick to death with telling

your cronies this. There is nothing wrong with my weight and I'm sure I told YOU that too." She raised her eyebrows as emphasis at the last part.

"See." House said calmly looking at Chase as he stepped back towards the wall. "Pupils perfectly round and responsive. No Absence seizure."

Robin, who had remained utterly quiet throughout the encounter suddenly, sucked a breath inwards and turning to look at Cameron she started beseechingly. "I'm really sorry...she's not really the best at controlling her temper especially when she gets riled. She's not normally like this. She doesn't like hospitals. She's not got a doctor you see...her grandfather doesn't..."

Arin spun on the bed and threw Robin a deathly look as her friend, as always, said too much for her own good.

"Don't you dare...apologies for me Robin! Don't dare...this has nothing to do with you. I have no intention of being told that I am anorexic from these guys any more than I have any intension of being told it from the idiots at school."

She turned her glare to House again before continuing." I also do not intend to get on another set of scales because he says so. I'm going home."

With that declared, and now slightly out of breath Arin placed her hands flat on the bed and pushed herself onto her feet. Standing now, she turned and walked determinedly towards the door. Leaving Zenneth to comfort Robin.

Cameron started towards her. "Arin..." She began. "Just wait five minutes. We can sort this entire thing out. I understand you don't like being weighed. I get that...it's going to be ok."

Arin ignored her and focused on keeping her breathing steady. She stepped past Cameron and Chase and had almost reached Foreman when suddenly with a bang, the bottom of a cane hit the wall and she found her path barred. Looking along the Canes shaft, she found herself eye to eye with House again.

"You really don't give up do you." She asked him icily. Calmer now, that Robin had taken most of her rage, she stopped and waited for him to move the cane.

" It's kind of ironic that the only way you're going to be leaving this hospital is by getting on those scales and proving me right." He told her, his right hand held out towards her. "But before you do hand over the change in your pockets."

Foreman folded his arms and smiled reassuringly at Arin. "House..." he began.

"No." Arin told House weakly, as though her previous outburst had robbed her of more energy than she had anticipated.

Rolling his eyes again House considered the teen before him. He watched her chest rise and fall as she struggled to breathe in and out normally following the damn bursting over her restraint. How childish he decided.

"Now hand it over or take off the shorts. Either's fine with me."

Arin looked down at her shorts and bare legs under them as the colour came flooding back to her cheeks. Despite herself, she looked back up at the Doctor baring her path and considered him. His gaze was like stone. Fixed and difficult to read. Suddenly she felt very tired with the entire operation.

"If I get on the scales will you let me go home?" She asked him as her breathing began to slow. Her eyes, in comparison were easy to read and she searched his face for an honest response. She was frightened now more than annoyed.

Watching her House raised both his eyebrows. "Sure. As soon as we get you a diet plan and a psyche referral. I will personally hand you your discharge papers."

Across the room, Chase and Cameron seemed to be having some sort of conversation with Zenneth via sign language and eye movements.

Arin glanced over her shoulder as though she were only just aware that the room was full of her friends and people she had only just met. Her eyes locked onto Robins who smiled encouragingly. "Go on Arin...and then we'll go back to my room."

Resigning herself that the battle was over and that she had lost. Arin plunged her hand into her pockets and withdrawing a good handful of change. Dropped the entire collection into House's outstretched hand. Turning away from him, she kicked off her right shoe with slightly more venom than she meant, and walked back over to the scales.

Looking back at House once more, she closed her eyes and stepped upwards, like a skydiver about to make a leap. Only once she had stepped onto the scales did House lower his cane from the wall.

The dial on the scales spun erratically under the pressure of Arin's feet. After a moment, it slowly came to a shuddering stop. The Red needle within the dial quivering as it stuck home, dead on 125 pounds.

Arin glanced down and blinked rapidly in disbelief. She swayed slightly and caught her balance by stepping one foot from the scales causing the needle to spin away again. Speechless, for the first time since she entered Princeton Plainsboro teaching Hospital, Arin dry swallowed and slowly shook her head as the tears that had threatened to fall earlier welled up again.

Having kept his gaze fixed on Arin, a look of amusement on his face House then turned to address the entire team.

"Well that concludes today's entertainment. Chase go get her a diet plan. Foreman make her an appointment with the psyche ward and you..." He said turning his attention to Cameron. "Are going to the clinic, to finish the rest of my day's clinic duty as punishment for making me walk all the way along here."

"You didn't even look." Cameron flared. She looked at the still stunned Arin and fought the urge to move towards her and place an arm protectively around her shoulders. Her friends seemed as stunned as she was. Instead she gave House and look of, uncharacteristic, loathing.

"Didn't need to." House clarified. "Her expression said it all."

"No..." An Australian fringed accent stated suddenly as Chase recovered. "No you're wrong we weighed her in the damn water tank."

Hearing the other voice, Zenneth seemed to recover slightly and moved forwards to put an arm around Arin's shoulder. She wracked a sob and finally started to cry.

"Doctor Chase is right Doctor House...they took her to the water tank...she looks thinner than she is because she has a fast metabolism." He looked up from Arin at the doctors. "Seriously... we've had this argument at school. My dad's a nutritionist." He explained calmly.

While the boy talked, Foreman stepped around them and absently picked up the scales. After a moment of looking at them thoughtfully he put them down again and with a knowing look glanced in House's direction. He stepped up onto the scales and watched the dial spin around before it came to a halt at 125 pounds, exactly.

"Well..." he conceded." Unless I've lost a lot of weight very quickly in the past week. I'd say...someone fixed these scales." He looked pointedly at his boss. "House..."

Arin looked up from Zenneth's shoulder. Her eyes slightly puffy now. Her face was rather pale, all of her earlier anger gone. She blinked at Foreman confused and shook her head as he smiled reassuringly at her.

"Wow, it's contagious. "House declared as his team looked at each other once, then purposely folded their arms or placed them on their hips. Waving his Cane at Foreman House told chase. "Get Foreman a diet plan and refer him to the psyche ward."

He shifted his weight and began to limp from the room. Pausing at the door he looked back over his shoulder and nodded his chin at Arin. "Oh...and while you're at it. Cancel her psyche referral. Get a P and H, blood work up and find her a gown like her friends."

He slid open the door feeling very smug with himself then stopped again as a small, and somewhat diminished voice spoke.

"You said...I could go home after I stood on the scales." Arin told his back weakly.

Rolling his eyes in exaggerated annoyance House turned back into the room. "I lied... Now I'm saying i want you back in a hospital gown. You're going to be here for a while." Turning again, he managed another step before Foreman's voice cut across his dramatic exit.

"House..." The Doctor said, holding his palm out at his boss expectantly. Greg House Sighed and pulling a handful of change from the pocket of his jeans he deposited it into the waiting hand. From his other pocket, he produced a small orange pill bottle and shaking two tablets from it into his palm gestured at Robin and Zenneth as something crossed his mind.

"Just so we're clear." He asked as he tossed both pills into his mouth and dry swallowed. "Since we've established that it's not little miss hot head here. Which one of you is the misguided friend with the weight problem?"

Zenneth stared at him, a calculating look on his face While Robin looked appalled. When no reply was impending, House rolled his hand in the air.

"I'm a doctor...I need to know these things...I'll make it easier... which one of you drinks Diet soda?"

Robin, glanced between Arin who was now being comforted by Cameron and an awkward looking Chase and House who had fixed his eyes on her where she sat in her wheelchair. A smile spreading slowly across his unshaven face, until he looked very much like a velociraptor__surveying its prey.

"Me..." she relented but did not get to enquire any further as House pointed at her with his cane.

"Get her a diet plan and a psyche referral before you take her back to her room." He Told Foreman then turning finally exited the room.

A few feet down the corridor, the Sound of Arin laughing reached his ears.


	6. Chapter Five Act One

_Disclaimer: We do not own House, Or anything remotely House MD Related. We did own Arin until she was stolen by another author but now that's been dealt with we can get on with the story._

_Author's note: We apologise for the time taken to update this chapter, unfortunately as mentioned We discovered that Arin had been stolen and used in a similar story by another author and though that has now been dealt with both my Co-author and I felt too disillusioned to continue writing at that point. Thanks to those who reviewed and emailed and Rebecca, thanks for your email asking about Arin's Grandmother. I'm sorry we didn't give much away but hopefully this chapter will answer some of your questions __ Cookies for you. _

_Co-Author's note: For future Reference if Arin's is going to be taken and used in someone else's story. You might want to think about changing the names. The Internet is a big place but there is only so much coincidence with Arin Rae meeting House at Vending machines. _

Chapter Five: Act One: In which some tests are done.

As the day edged onwards towards night and thankfully the searing heat of the sunlit hours began to slowly dissipate the people sheltering within Princeton's many air conditioned buildings began to sneak cautiously from their hidey holes and into the wild blue yonder. Up at the window of Princeton Plainsboro teaching hospital a long tall figure stood silhouetted against the artificial light streaming behind him.

Zenneth sighed and watched the people walking to and fro to a variety of cars for a moment longer before he turned and began his pacing again.

Across the room the sound of a page turning cut through his silent thoughts and he glanced up at the room's other occupant in slight annoyance. "How can you just sit there like that reading that rubbish?" He demanded.

The tanned girl laying full stretch on the hospital bed rolled her eyes and flicked her magazine once again. "Shhesh chillax Zen. "She said. "They asked us to leave Arin's room for a while to let them do the tests. You can go back up in an hour or something don't spaz out on me."

Zenneth sighed. "I know. But urgh I hate this I hate leaving her in someplace I know she hates especially after that stunt that House guy pulled." He said long-sufferingly as he cast his eyes to the ceiling as indication of where he imagined Arin to be.

Robin folded her magazine down and peered over its top at him. "Look on the bright side; at least you have another hospitalised friend to come bother instead of pacing a waiting room."

With a scoff, Zenneth rolled his eyes, a mockery of the gesture she had given him moments before. "Oh yeah that really saves me time Robin both of you in hospital at the same time. Brilliant plan."

Robin sighed and sat up on her bed. Patting the cover beside her she smiled coaxingly. "Ok I'm sorry that wasn't cool. Come sit and have some water or something yeah? You're making me nervous with all that pacing."

The boy stared at her defiantly for a moment before with a shake of his head he complied. As he lowered himself down by her side Robin felt her face heat up slightly.

*Oh god...please...don't let me blush yeah...* she thought quietly her eyes scrunched against the possibility. When she had the mind to take a peek at her companion she found him looking through the window again apparently uninterested in wither she were self-conscious or not. The tips of his ears had turned a shade darker.

As though some sort of twisted sense of fate had gripped the trio of friends when they had entered the mall early that day that moment as if on cue a Nurse slid the door to Robin's room open and raised her eyebrows pointedly at Zenneth.

"I am afraid its 6 o'clock, the afternoon's visiting Hours are over. If you aren't immediate family I'll have to ask you to leave "She said in a no nonsense manner.

Robin grimaced slightly as she turned to glance between the two. Zenneth, his jaw tightening reached down and snatched his jacket from the foot of Robin's bed.

"Fine I'll go see if they are finished with Arin and head home. Phone me tomorrow and let me know what's going on. Ill be back after work."

The nurse tapped her foot impatiently. "Yes ok I'm coming." Zenneth assured her as he placed a hand on Robins shoulder and gave a slight squeeze. "Have a good night." He told her and turning exited the room allowing the nurse to enter and bustle around Robin's bed.

Above Robin's room unaware that anything untoward was taking place Arin Rae, seventeen and getting older by the minute, sat on her own hospital bed and watched the exchange taking place between the two men in lab coats that sat in her room.

To her left the blond one who she had unwittingly dubbed Skippy, held the crook of her arm and tapped his gloved fingers lightly onto her vein. She swallowed and attempted not to look at the sharp looking implement he held, yet at the same time found herself drawn to it. Not so much because it scared her, but rather because Chase happened to be paying more attention of the other doctor than to where he was poking it.

Foreman, positioned in the only chair in the room, sat with a clipboard not dissimilar to the one Chase had held some hours previous, where he had been jotting Arin's answers to the never ending torrent of inane questions. His pen hovered above the box asking if Arin had ever had or received an inoculation against measles, mumps, and the bubonic plague. Her answer of no to all of the above seemed forgotten however as he conversed with his companion.

"Well if you want to run those off to the lab I'll stay here and do the physical." Foreman replied in response to Chase. His pen-met paper finally as he looked down to finish what he was writing.

Chase who had returned his attention long enough to insert the hypodermic into Arin's vein looked up as he changed the vials filling with the young girls blood.

"I thought you were resigned not to take an interest in this case." He asked as he dropped the vial into the kidney dish on the tray and removed the needle. Pulling a cotton ball out he pressed it firmly into the bleeding vein and folding her arm upwards, smiled warmly at Arin.

"I'm all done." He said. "Uh you wanna put pressure on that alright."

"There was no point showing an interest until House was interested. He could easily have been right with his original diagnosis it was the most logical explanation."

"So what? You don't trust Cameron? Is this going to be one of those everybody lies scenarios?"

"It's not that I don't trust Cameron. It's just..." Foreman shrugged. "She tends to try and see the best in people. And if she can't see the best in them then she sees what she wants to see. She sometimes puts too much trust in what a patient tells her that's all."

"So this is going to be one of those everybody lies scenarios." Chase concluded. Before foreman could do anything more than open his mouth to respond. Arin's voice cut him off.

"Yo, doctor dudes the patient who was so obviously lying but really was telling the truth the whole time. Remember her? Well she's still here. "She raised her eyebrows. " Would you like for me to arrange for her to leave so you two can cuddle in peace? Give me my discharge papers and I'm sure Doctor House could arrange that."

Arin folded her arms and glared grumpily at the two. It was getting late, already the sky outside had changed to a dim orange colour that showed night to be on the distant horizon. It didn't look likely that she was going to be allowed home any time soon and she did not relish the thought of spending the night.

Chase glanced at the teen for a moment and recognising the stubborn look on her face smirked smugly to himself. "Right then. I'll be taking this off to the lab before any vampires come looking for it. If I'm not back in twenty minutes...send Van-Helsing after me." He winked at Arin good naturedly as she and Foreman both rolled their eyes.

"Yeah...ok well she's all yours Foreman." Chase finished slightly deflated and picking up the blood samples exited the room. Leaving Arin to sigh and flop backwards again into her pillows.

Foreman raised himself from his seat and placing the clipboard down on the end of the bed shook his head.

"Right then...now that the supporting acts been dragged from the stage let's get on with the real event shall we?" He smiled and unhooking his stethoscope from his shoulders began rubbing the diaphragm in the palm of his hand.

"Do all doctors treat their work like one big theatrical production or is that a right reserved for only you and House?" Arin asked opening her eyes and watching foreman's advance.

He stopped and frowned. "I don't think I follow" he asked her then pointing at her gown indicated her to move it down slightly for him to get access. Placing the bell of the stethoscope on her chest he listened.

"The both of you. You have the same mannerisms at times. He's in charge of you all but you think of yourself as in charge of the rest of them maybe even slightly in control of House as well," she said.

"You taking a psyche class or something? "He joked then added "Take a deep breath."

Arin smiled slightly to herself. "You see," She told him "You're doing it again by ignoring me."

Foreman removed the stethoscope and unplugged the device from his ears. Draping it across his shoulders he pulled a thermometer out of his coat pocket.

"Look, Arin. You seem like a nice kid yeah but you and I both know you don't want to be here. The sooner I get this done the sooner both of us get to go home. So less chatter and more sitting still on your part and silence to work on mine and we'll both get what we want."

Arin raised an eyebrow. "Fine by me. "She told him as he inserted the thermometer into her mouth and pressed a button. "But you were a lot nicer before I compared you to your boss." She told him around the device.

****

As the sun set over Princeton and the summer twilight sky began to colour a deep shade of blue. Doctor Greg House hummed slightly to himself as he sat at his desk a letter open in one hand, and his reading glasses perched on the bridge of his nose. He raised one eyebrow for a split second, then without even finishing the letter tossed it over his shoulder blindly in the direction of the trash can. He turned in his chair seconds later to look where it had landed and gave a small score gesture with his left arm.

The sound of his office door opening caused him to look up at whatever fool had dared to intrude on his solitude. Chase walked quickly from the door and dropped himself into a chair opposite house, a file of results in one hand. House waited for a moment watching him expectantly before straightening in his chair he removed his glasses.

"Do I actually get to see the results or do you want me to guess. If so can I have a clue first?" he asked sarcastically

"I was waiting for Cameron and Foreman..." Chase began before with a small shrug he handed the file over the desk and settled himself in his chair again.

Reaching out House took the papers and scanned the first page briefly before flipping it up he began to read.

Moments later however, foreman entered. He looked once between the reading House and Chase, a file in his hand and furrowed his brow in annoyance. "You couldn't have waited?" he accused the other doctor as he approached House's desk and stood leaning against the light boxes on the wall.

"What?" Chase asked perplexed. "I came back to the office. How was I to know it was a joint presentation I assumed you were going to be here anyway?" His tone took a slightly more defensive stance as Foreman gave him a look over House's head that clearly said' Yeah…right.'

"Now now, daddy likes both your files equally…" House said offhandedly as he held out his hand in the general direction of Foreman's voice for the other set of papers. After a few moments House looked up from his papers to survey his team. "If Chase did the blood work, and you did the History AND the physical, what am I paying Cameron for today?"

When both male doctors looked at each other Blankly House rolled his eyes and simplified the question. "Where Is Cameron?"

Chase opened his mouth and uncertainly said " I don't.." be never finished as if summoned by House's demand into the room walked a very annoyed looking Allison Cameron, bringing with her the strong smell of disinfectant.

Foreman sniffed once then wrinkled his nose. "Jesus…did you mix up the toilet cleaner with your perfume again?"

House felt the corners of his mouth twitch and he turned in his chair to look at Foreman in a very bond villain manner. He shook his head in a mock disappointed way. Cameron was not as amused however and threw herself into the chair beside Chase who promptly raised a hand to his nose and looked away, careful that she did not notice.

"Given your current facial expression we can conclude you did not mix up your perfume and toilet cleaner. Which begs the question…what were you doing while your colleges were actually earning their pay?" House asked.

Cameron stared incredulously at him then pointed a hand at the door behind her. "You told me to go to the clinic!" she said in an exasperated manner.

House's feature changed from amused to amused amazement. "You ACTUALLY went?" he exclaimed.

"Not only did I GO but I got a bottle of disinfectant spilled on me for my trouble, because some hyperactive kid wouldn't sit still long enough for me to clean and suture a cut on his arm. "She turned and glared at Chase as if he were the cause of her trouble and continued to do so until he slowly removed his hand from his nose and tried to fix a neutral expression on his face. To aid him in his task he reached over and pulled the file of Arin's blood work back over and pretended to be very interested in it.

"Can we get on with the differential?" Foreman asked the room at large.

House turned to him again. "She has disinfectant on her and you want to get on with the differential? Just because your jokes were awful doesn't mean you get to ruin this for the rest of us." He reached over and snatched the file back from Chase. "So…what's wrong with our resident sabre toothed teenager?"

"Well, aside from not having tusks..." Foreman began moving forwards to take the blood work file from House. "Nothing. Blood tests normal, tox screen clean" he said reading from the file. "And nothing major to report in the physical." He shrugged and threw the file back onto House's desk.

"Right then. We can all go home." Chase stated sarcastically.

"Whoa…hold the boomerang there Skippy." House said. Cameron cut across him however as she read the history file. "Her Grandmother's dead?" She asked.

"You see..." House continued indicating Cameron for Chase's benefit.

"Yeah, lung cancer…five years ago." Foreman replied. "Just her and the grandfather left."

"And he's not around that much…" House finished as he considered thoughtfully. "Respitory arrest in a seventeen year old with no other symptoms and a family history of asthma…"

"There's no record of any asthma diagnosis with Arin though." Cameron stated looking up from the file.

"There's no paediatric record of any sort at all." Chase added as he looked over Cameron's shoulder. "Could be…"

"Asthma can develop at any age under a multitude of different circumstances brought on by a plethora of different stimuli. The stress of her friends attack and near drowning when she went for a swim in that fountain caused the airways to constrict she takes her first asthma attack. Not enough air getting in results in lack of oxygen ergo she passes out. Case solved." House finished. He took hold of his cane and got to his feet. "Start her on steroids to make sure it doesn't happen again, Do a peak flow and get a chest x-ray to confirm then keep her overnight for observation." He reached for his coat. "I'm going home."

The team got to their feet files in hand and separated. Foreman heading into the larger part of the office, Chase and Cameron heading out into the corridor. Presumably to carry out his last orders. House pulled his coat on and raised his eyes to look at the ceiling in a resigned way. "Damn." He said disappointment evident on his face, then turning off his desk light he limped out of his office.


	7. Chapter Five Act Two

Chapter Five: Act Two: In which the Patients feeling blue.

Somewhere, a distant noise of crying echoed muffled through the still lit labyrinth that made up Princeton Plainsboro teaching hospital. In these long strips of light nurses bustled back and forth despite the ungodly hour of the night, or of the morning depending on your perspective on such matters. Arin Rae, alone and depressed, lay amidst a cocoon of hospital issue blankets in the dark of her room staring out into the empty space at the bottom of her bed.

She sighed once and turned over onto her side. Yet sleep still eluded her. Everything about her current situation felt wrong. The blankets were too rough, the IV in her arm itched as though her skin were trying to rid itelf of its noises of the hospital were too alien and the smell too over powering for her to sleep.

She rolled again onto her back and stared at the ceiling, fuming ssilently to herself. No doubt somewhere in a much comfier bed the cause of all her strife the infernal Doctor, bloody, House nightmare vending machine warden or whatever the hell he was supposed to be, was getting a much better sleep. Or at least sleep.

The creaking sound of the door being pushed back an inch told her that a nurse was peering into the dim room to see if she was asleep. Arin closed her eyes and tried to keep her breathing steady and normal. After a moment or two the door slid closed again and her eyes opened.

Despite where she was She did in fact feel tired, the day had been draining and she could feel her eyes getting heavier by the second. Yet something about this place wouldn't let her rest. It was like an insect bite that itched and stung and had to be constantly rubeed at even unconsciously. As she did her second mental circuit of the room looking for something to occupy herself with the stats monitor beside her gave a small blip and caught hold of her interest. The IV bag beside it reflected the pulsing rythms of her heart beat in a psychedelic array of light.

She paused…it had to be the steroids talking that last thought. Psychedelic light wasn't something she often looked for in bags of clear liquid.

She turned heaving another sigh and sat up. She couldn't stand it any longer. Being alone here in this bed she needed to talk to someone. With this thought in mind and conscious of the lateness of the hour she narrowed her choises down and picked up the telephone they had so kindly placed in her room. Halfpondering how much long distance charged from hospital rooms she dialled and waited.

The phone rang, three times them cut to an answer message. " Uh..hi it's me again. I called you earlier. They decided to keep me in. Its kinda late here so I thought well...it dosent matter I guess you're in a meeting or something. Call me when you get a chance...Bye." She dropped the phone back onto the cradle and sank back into the bed, a darker air seeming to fall over her. Not what she had wanted when making the phone call. Arin shivered and looked around again. The little white sticker on her IV bag levelled now with the liquid inside it and she stared at the words uncomprehendingly. Not that she wanted to know what insert steroid prescribed by DR G House meant anyway… And G House…Gordon? Gertrude?... A rage filled did he think he was anyway…ordering her around like he owned her? Hadn't ever met her before either… The return of Skippy, Cameron a new test and X-ray and a wackjob technician who had insited that she keep both her feet perpendicular to the wall they were facing, even though he didn't know what the word meant, rounded off a perfect day.

Arin sighed again and sitting up began straightening her blankets a task that kept her murderous thoughts at bay and her hands busy. Finished she hugged her knees and began to trace a small white scar on her arm with her knuckle counting down the hours until she could go home. If anyone asked she would lie…she had slept the night through without any issue. End of story.


	8. Chapter Six

**Chapter Six: Jings Hoose, Help mah Boab. **

**Co-Authors Note: Ok so everyone that's still reading this thing take a deep breath. I know two updates in the space of a week CRIVENS!! This chapter was completely unintentional I just thought of an amusing line of dialogue and somehow it ended up being an entire chapters worth of…**

**Author's Note: *Gags her Co-Author.* Shhhh don't spoil it before they read! As always folks, no offence is intended by what we write and since we are both Scottish this one was no different. You'll see what I mean. **

**Disclaimer: We do not own House. We do not own Anything associated with Princeton Plainsboro…I do assert that we DO own Arin despite the fact that in this chapter she is still in her bed awaiting House's judgement. **

As another day dawned over the earth and the sun rose across the sky towards acceptable late breakfast times the people of Princeton New Jersey, all in one unified groan, silently cursed the heat wave that had at first meant a good summer vacation and now threatened sunstroke, sun burn and another day of fanning oneself with whatever implement, newspaper or such that came handy.

Across town, things at Princeton Plainsboro teaching hospital were no better than they had been the day before. In the main reception Doctor Lisa Cuddy, dean of medicine, ran a hand through her frazzled sweat stained hair and glared up at the bulk of a man atop a ladder that could not in all logic possibly support his weight.

"Yeah there's your problem all right!" The man yelled back at Cuddy as he hitched up his jeans and defied gravity. "Y'er running this here generator through all the air condition in the building...But you see the air outside? " He made a waving motion with his hand. "… Ain't as cool as it should be and the poor machines can't handle it. So they're blowing out warm air and instead of turning off for a while you're turning the juice up and they're just breaking down."

As he made a noise in the back of his throat, clearing his sinuses, Cuddy made a valiant attempt at hiding her disgust.

"So what do you suggest? Can you repair…it? Would that fix the rest of the air conditioning?"

"Yes." The man agreed and paused as the woman before him looked relieved. "But..."

"But..?" Cuddy echoed suspiciously.

"But I don't have the parts to repair it and it'd only work for this floor. I'd have to replace this main unit and all the others on every floor. Except ICU my man up there tells me that's still working a peach."

"And what exactly do you suggest I do in the mean time in a hospital that's currently like an oven?" Cuddy asked exasperated throwing her hands up and down in a helpless gesture. As the man climbed his ladder again.

"You could get that Guy with the cane in for a bit…the look he gave you on his way past was icy enough." He muttered under his breath.

"What?" Cuddy asked.

"I said I've got some standing fans in the van Ma'Am." he clarified louder.

Meanwhile, the doctor with the icy glare stood observing the chart in his hand outside the door to his next band aid requirement. Greg House steeled his shoulder's said a silent prayer to the Oh God of clinic idiocy and entered the room.

As he turned to close the door behind him House gave his usual Wednesday morning greeting. " I'm Doctor House, founder of the campaign against our dean of medicines reign of tyranny which includes bad lunch menus for staff and patients alike, Ineffective air conditioning and floral abominations. " He turned his back on the door and faced his patient. "How can I help you today?"

The man in his late fifties sat in a plaid shirt and tartan golfing trousers, his coppery hair in a comb over that did not quite hide the fact he was balding. He turned his head and gave House one lone piercing, lingering look from head to toe before he held a aluminium cane at his side out as if presenting exhibit A and said rather blatantly in a broad Scottish accent.

"You tak'ing the piss?" and nodded at House's cane questioning. Accusation in his emerald green eyes.

"No….I just have a bad leg." House said putting his hand into his jacket pocket he pulled out his bottle of vicodin. Hooking his cane onto his arm he emptied two pills into the palm of his hand and threw them both into his mouth.

The Man reached into his trousers pocket and took a small ratting bottle out and shook it at House. " Ye' quite sure aboot that laddie?" he demanded. " That nurse tell you tae give it tae me 'Cause I telt her off fer mak'ing me wait. "

House returned his bottle and looked to the ceiling. "This is going to be one of those one's isn't it?" he asked

"Ye calling fer yer higher power sonny?" the man asked slightly less savagely.

House returned his gaze earth wards and sat down on the rolling stool hooking his cane onto the tray of instruments he flipped open the man's file and quickly glanced at it.

The Man raised one copper eyebrow and continued. "Anyway…Hoose was it? "

"H-O-U-S-E." House said without looking up. "Like Mouse…"

"Aye…Hoose…that's what I said ye cheeky bugger. And whit sorta man goes aboot comparing himsel' tae a moose? Ah Dinae Ken…back in Dundee, the Doctor's arenae like this….Must be a yank thing...How'd ye hurt yer leg By the way? Accident was it?"

House looked up his eyes icy and his expression stoic. "No." he said

"Ach well I hope ye claimed negligence then. That's what I would ha'e done. Was the gout that got me. Bliming agony I'll tell ye…would rather ha'e the thing took awa' Anyway…"

"Are you here for a new problem or just to complain about your gout?" House asked as he closed the file.

"Aye….Ahm getting there jist gise a second will ya. Anyway... it all started Last week tae let ye understand."

House nodded not particularly caring if he understood or not. He could feel himself getting older.

"…So mah young yin's getting' married see…so me an' the missus we came o'ver here fir the wedding like's…brought mah kilt an all…diney trust yer Yankee kilt makers. But anyway…the bloody thing wouldnae fit. Had tae get it taken oot. So…we go on this stag do, me an' the lad an the father in law and the mates. Wis great fun mind…I got totally pished like…the wife she wisnae happy aboot that I can tell ye..."

House felt his eyebrows raise and resisted the urge to bang his head off of his own cane or the wall whatever was closer. Silently he condemned the teenager who awaited his discharge order. Had she been actually sick he would not have had to endure this. The man was still talking.

"Anyhoo…was nearing time fir me to give me speech aboot the lad and tell all the embarrassing things aboot him…like that time when we went fishing up at Pitlochary…and he couldnae reel the fish in and fell in the loch. Here…why cant you yanks say that word anyway…Loch…it always comes out Lock…I told the father in law...Bill's his name. I telt him. It's not a Lock It's no' got a key fir Pete sake….So here I am, about tae dae mah fatherly duties and all of a sudden I'm bursting for a pish. So I hurries off tae the little jock's room only tae find that some fricking numpty hasnae borthed tae fix the blown bloody blub. So here ah am...in the dark mah son expecting a speech pissing like mah life's on the line and I give it a wee shak…pull up my zip and let out a howl like a wounded stag. That was three days ago and the cuts still no' healed. "

At this point, having deduced FINALLY, that he was going to have to look at this man's wounded Manhood House turned to the work top to get a pair of gloves. His back on his patient he closed his eyes sighed and braced himself.

"Ok. If you'd just like to..." he turned back and accidently snapped one glove over his wrist in shock. The man was standing, his trousers and boxers at his ankles and his afore mentioned manhood protruding, purple and swollen.

As House stared at it, the expression of empathetic pain every man shares on his face the Scottish man shrugged his shoulders.

"Here you gonna look at this or whit?"

Before House had the pleasure of getting a closer look at the Scotsman's wounded manhood the door to the exam room opened and into the room walked doctors Cameron and Foreman, the former clutching a file in her hand.

As the haliluagh chorus rang up in House' head He turned to his team and raised his eyebrows. "Hello!" he said jovially.

Cameron looked slightly frightened. "Uhh…Hi..." she replied as Foreman smirked. " Having fun are we?" the male asked looking between the two men.

The Scottish man raised his eyebrows and his hands at Cameron and standing unabashed stated. "Whits wrong wi ye lass…ye no seen a bit o' Scottish meat afore? "

House turned to his patient and held a gloved finger up. "Bare with me…one sec." he said and pulling his gloves off got up to limp slightly closer to the other two. "Tell me the patient's dead…or better yet dying...tell me she fell off the gurney last night on the way to radiology and developed some unknown neurological symptom as a result. Tell me I have to leave right now...to save the life of some other timorous beastie."

Cameron held the file out to him. "No such luck I'm afraid." Foreman said.

Taking the file House flipped it open." Damn…just one disappointment after another with this kid."

"You want her to be sick, when you didn't even want the case to begin with yesterday." Foreman asked his brow furrowed in a perplexed sarcastic expression.

"I had my fair share of foreign patients yesterday…what were the odds I'd get landed with rabbie burns over there today?" he asked as he read.

A smile played on Cameron's mouth. "Admit it House, you like her. She actually talks back to you and you're disappointed that she's going home already without you getting to swoop in and save the day."

House looked up, "I think you have me confused with superman….I can see where you may have been mistaken there…"

"Hold on a sec…whit did you just call me?"

Hoose, as he had been continually dubbed by the scottsman, waved his hand dismissively. "Quiet Hamish." He said

The Man looked irritated. "Mah Name's Archie ye bloated gas bag. Hamish is mah brother." He spat.

House turned looking genuinely surprised a small smile threatening the corners of his mouth. "Seriously?!" he demanded.

The man looked at house as though he were stupid. "NO!" He exclaimed loudly. "Have you gone waxy in yer beaster? Talk aboot stereotyping or whit. Think mah names funny do ye..all of ye? Hmm? Well let me tell you something Doctor Hoose at least mah names no a fricking Noun, If ye lived where ah I come from people would frickng well live in you. Ye might call it an apartment here...but believe me lad in mah home town ah I live in a hoose and it's much nicer than you. An ill tell ye anither thing fir nothing it disne rattle when it moves either. Now get back ower here and get me seen tae."

Foreman chuckled lightly to himself as Cameron looked appalled between House and The man. "What did you do to him?" she demanded of House.

House turned to her and thrust the file back into her hands. "Why is it always me that has to have done something? Why can't it just be that he's an irritable old Scottish man? Now...getting back on track where's my X-ray?"

Cameron looked at Foreman who looked back at her. "Ahh… about that," foreman began before Cameron quickly cut in front of him. "Chase was getting it...radiology's backed up..."

House looked between his employees. One guilty face after the other and fixed his expression in an "Ahha..." look, he rolled his hand in the air for more information. However, as though fortune had decided to annoy him that day by presenting him with a difficult, stubborn and colloquial Scotsman for a patient. Archie spoke up again.

"That's it Doctor Hoose Ah've had it!" he exclaimed as behind House, Foreman mouthed "Hoose?" questioningly at Cameron.

"A've had it up tae here wi you..." Archie continued. " Ah dinae ha' time tae be standing here freezing mah ba's off while you hae tea wi' yer bairns there."

House turned all the way round to face his patient. "Well considering that it's a toasty 38 degrees in here...you're not freezing your 'Ba's' off at all….cutting them off with zippers…now that's another story."

"Why…you." Archie started and turning a nice shade of puce, pulled up his trousers and still buckling the belt pushed his way past Cameron and Foreman and House, giving foreman a whack with his cane on the way past and muttering about Halfwits and Eejits.


End file.
